This Side of Thirty

Am I same

or am I different?

It used to be so important to the girl in the mirror:

Same enough that my prickles were not too obvious,

Different enough to be acknowledged as unique me.

It was such a crucial balance.

That girl used to look at the women who just “let themselves go”,

(Whatever that meant?) and feel sorry for them.

Now I find, to my relief, that

Same or different do not matter so much

After thirty.

“Did that fabric fade, or was it always so ugly?” my brother teased.

I was incensed.

Now I laugh and wear the dress anyway.

It is comfortable and I like it.

I can change the way I comb my hair and no one says a word.

My identity is no longer tangled in my hair.

I like this side of thirty.

I like having accepted who I am,

Letting go of who I cannot be.

I am not same

or different.

I am more than the sum of what is seen in the mirror.

I have settled it in my soul:

I am a Beloved Daughter.

The rest doesn’t matter so much.

12 thoughts on “This Side of Thirty

  1. Love this! When I turned 30 I said I felt old anyway, and at least now I didn’t have to pretend I was young anymore. 🙂 By the way, I miss your daily posts! 🙂

  2. Excellent! Not to rush or anything, but I can’t wait to see what you will compose for “this side of forty”. LOL

  3. It’s disconcerting and yet intriguing to have someone else put my thoughts into words. You do it so well. Thank you for this. Weird, isn’t it, how the years can change one’s perspective so much, and do it so imperceptibly, that it’s shocking to suddenly realize how much one has changed. But I like the 30s. A lot. 😉 And yes, I don’t often comment on your posts, but I always read them and always enjoy them thoroughly. Please do not ever stop writing!

  4. I am so much happier this side of 30. I think I feel more beautiful then ever, I don’t ever remember really feeling beautiful when I was younger. Mostly I would either accept what was in the mirror or not accept it. But now I feel glowy and beautiful. Maybe its because of my marriage, which has become extraordinary, or the fact that I have 4 children and spend half my life with my head back laughing loudly (survival you know) Or maybe its because I can tell my friends how I feel without fearing ALL.THE.TIME. that I am wrong, because it no longer hurts to be wrong. Or maybe because what I see in the mirror now is a whole list of victories, and Jesus in me, rather then my long list of failures, and myself. I like this side of 30 too.

  5. I would love love love to have a get together with you and Rachel again. For a whole day. I plan to see her in July and spend a good long while with her. It would be beyond marvelous if you were there too.

  6. Wow… i liked the post, but I really like these comments too! Honestly, I’ve been kinda dreading turning 30 and saying goodbye to the 20’s… but… well.. what can I say it looks like it might be just all right after all. L0L

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