Prickles

If you have ever looked at the Valentine’s card selection with all those one size fits all sentiments, and felt like your love is not best expressed in a mass-produced way, then you will know why I write my own cards. Jonathan Rogers sent an excellent email prompt on writing your own love letter that is meaningful, and the gist of it was simple: don’t try to write about feelings, but instead write about things that only you and your spouse have in common. Memories, quirks, inside jokes. This is easy for me, being a detail-noticing sort of person. It is super hard for my husband, and I do not expect him to crank it out every time. 🙂 I do find original sentiments on a scrap of paper totally irresistible.

Back to Valentine’s Day and cards: I found myself trying to watercolor a prickly little hedgehog, holding two heart balloons. As we say at our house when a project turns out slightly less than we hoped it would be, “An attempt was made.” Once it was dried, I flipped it over, and that’s where I could really let loose. Words!

I didn’t write mushy stuff. It’s a coded list just for my husband, but one item was *how you have taught me about buying quality that lasts a long time, like Carhartt coats*.

Therein lies a tale. We were newlywed. We did not have much money. Our grocery budget was less than $30 a week, self-imposed so that we could save up a bit. There was no money for chocolate chips or other frivolities in that budget. However, Gabe needed a heavy work coat because he was working outside and winter was upon us. Also, he had a strong sense of the fitness of things, and a puffy jacket that he wore when he was teaching school was not appropriate for building decks. I discovered that he needed a very specific coat: tough, not longer than the waist, somewhat tailored, good sturdy pockets, heavy-duty zipper, etc. We decided to go to a local hunting outfitter store to check out their inventory, and there it was on the Carhartt rack, the exact coat he needed. Unfortunately, it cost over a hundred dollars, and I was shocked that he was trying it on, then actually planning to buy it. “Don’t you think we could find something at a thrift store?” But wanting to be a good wife, I expressed my disapproval only once, then I let it go. After all, as he explained to me, “This coat will last me twenty years.” (It did. He still wears it when he works outside.)

Not only did he buy the coat, he also bought a Carhartt hat that day. The hat was the thing that really annoyed me. I could have bought four pounds of cheese with that money, and made it last a very long time in our un-cheesy lives! The hat was a small uneasiness between us for quite a while. One can pick up hats for free, I reasoned.

You know, I don’t remember how we resolved our differences on that issue. Probably with a teary speech that marinated for a month before I figured out what to say.

I read a cute little saying somewhere before we got married that said, “Marriage is two prickly people trying to live in very close proximity without hurting each other.” I thought it was funny then, and I still think so. That’s why I made an attempt at a hedgehog card.

It is true.

If we have learned anything in the 22 years since then, it is to let things go. Keep those accounts short. Do not marinate for a month, then come out with a wordy bomb that blows the other person out of the water. We do not always agree. Not even close. But we try to listen to each other without being threatened and rattling our prickles at each other. We keep learning to rearrange our lives so that we do not constantly hurt each other. It’s not that hard.

That’s all I have to say about that.