Pinky Purple Days

I sat outside on the deck until the last light faded out of the bits of sky I could see through the towering hickory trees to the west. It was the longest day of the year; there should have been some sort of solemn ceremony as it passed. But the mosquitoes were biting me in the evening chill. I did the prosaic thing and came inside. It is difficult to realize that we are already heading toward the tedium of winter darkness: ugh.

Right now we are in the blessed noonday and it is glorious. This is what we waited for all through the dreary months. The garden is silvery, pink, and purple, with one scarlet Oriental poppy lifting its showy head. The sort of flowers I like to plant are cottage garden flowers, kind of shy and old fashioned, but I cannot resist a poppy, even though it is a bit of a braggart. My neighbor gave me red hot poker roots and I dutifully planted them. They looked so out of their element in my purple coneflower and Russian sage border that I took a dislike to them and tossed them to the chickens.

We are deep into the spindly, ethereal florals, some with scents so cloying you cannot really bring them inside. The bees are not wasting a minute of it, and its a good thing too, because it’s only a matter of days until the Japanese beetles crawl out of the ground to ravage the sweetest blossoms. Rita brought in my favorite sort of bouquet today, and I love how it looks with that white valerian in it, but it is so powerfully scented I will have to banish those.

Our hummingbird feeder broke in storage over the winter, so we decided to plant hummingbird feeders instead. We looked for trumpet-shaped flowers and I have seen hummingbirds at every one of these. It’s the best reason for planting the ubiquitous petunia. I don’t even know what some of these blooms are. They just sort of slid into my wagon at the greenhouse and I didn’t argue with them.

Today I noticed that the first baby yellow tomato was ripe, and I ate it without even showing it to anybody else. I paid a foolish fifteen dollars for a large plant that was blooming already back in the chill of spring because I do weird things like that when I am fed up with cold weather. It would be premature to say that it was worth the money, but if it continues to produce such sweet orbs of tomato-ness, the summer is looking promising.

Last year I bought strawberry plants at the local hardware store and I wish I could remember what they were called so that I could warn you not to bother with them. After all the watering, weeding, mulching, fertilizing the plants, covering them when it frosted, I am picking the weirdest, smooshiest berries I have ever grown. (There aren’t many, because of the late freeze I didn’t see coming.) A day in the fridge leaves them looking so tired and wilted I am not even tempted to eat them. The best way is to stand in the garden and eat them immediately. “If you don’t expect them to be strawberries, they are good,” Rita concluded. I do not quite know how to do that. Shut my eyes? Hold my nose? Because they are perfect, red, seedy, and smell right. It’s a texture thing. This week I showed Little Bee and her brother where the strawberries are and they obliged me by eating them all that day, foraging up and down the row and experiencing no difficulty with unmet expectations.

Speaking of expectations, there is a small fruit stand a few miles west of us, run by an Amish family. On Saturdays they sell donuts and I have seen the sign often, but never happened to pass on a Saturday until last week. I took a look at the donuts and promptly bought a half dozen. They were enormous, glistening things, with hardened glaze drips at the edges, and I could hardly wait to give everybody one when I got home. My first bite revealed a sorry truth: they were obviously fried in rancid lard. I took another bite and weighed the question, “Are these worth the calories?” But surely, so I took another bite. I got some milk, and I ate the donut. Almost it was not worth the disappointment that was every bite, but I had paid for an experience that I was reluctant to give up. In retrospect, I paid for a lesson but it isn’t clear what it is. Maybe it will come to me the next time I am picking the strawberries I don’t like.

This spring I needed a strong new stick teepee for my cucumbers. Gabriel and I started with bigger saplings and screwed them together instead of tying them with twine. It took longer this way, but I hope it holds up. He also made a beautiful new arbor for the hardy kiwi vine after I had started it on my own when he was working. My arbor panels were pitifully lacking in structural integrity. When I asked for help to assemble the lot, he was kind enough to lay aside his work in the shop and spent hours finding some stronger supports. We cut down most of the sycamore saplings down by the creek for this project, and I pulled wild grapevines out of the woods for the finishing touches. I am really liking the homegrown look of these supports.

It’s early days in the garden, but things are flourishing and by the time the dahlias do their thing, it will be full to bursting. Every day I walk around and marvel at what is happening, how the leaves unfurl and buds form, some puffy like marshmallows and some spiky like chestnuts, but all brilliant.

When I was a child I had a startling thought one day, “If God had made everything brown, would we even know it wasn’t pretty?” I can’t say for sure when my lifelong yearning for color started, but I was too little to even know what it was. ( I just knew that I hated my grey double-knit dress that made me feel ugly.)

God walked in the garden too, you know. It’s a great time to lay down my smallness and offer to join my work to His great work. I’ll just keep planting the pink and purple things in my bit of earth.

You Shouldn’t Forget the Marshmallows

Last week was a summery one, hazy skies of smoke one day, glittery sunshine the next, warm breezes, earth so dry that driving in the lane raised a cloud of dust. We planned a camping trip with the cousins at a park between our houses. Gabe is currently working in Altoona, so he was going to meet us at the campground after his three shifts were finished for the week.

With that in mind, we made lists and gathered supplies for camping before he left for work. My contribution is always the food and the comforts, such as bug spray and sleeping bags and making sure everybody takes jackets and socks for the nights. I have a tote with just camping gear: old dishes and utensils, cracked mugs, lighter, ratty tea towels and dishcloths, soap, bucket, dishpan, plastic tablecloth, foil, salt and pepper, etc. But I always have to inspect the tote to be sure nothing has gone AWOL or been emptied.

I’m also in charge of provisions, and experience has taught me that starving people aren’t very fun to camp with, so the criteria for meals is simple and nutritious. I can only pull out the Ramen or the instant oatmeal so many times before there are problems with the protein intake. With that in mind, I planned to make my Saturday meal mostly on our Coleman stove: grilled chicken breast, fettucine with Alfredo sauce, and green beans. Actual vegetables toted into the wilderness. I lofted my nose into the air at the thought of using canned Alfredo and bought cream and parmesan instead. This should have been a red flag in my own head that something was not working properly in my brain, but apparently it didn’t flag insistently enough.

I had a huge distraction in my week, because I realized that I would have to put my Father’s Day mugs on Etsy quickly so that I could ship them before we left so that people would get them in time for gifts. It wasn’t very many, but it took brain space and a number of hours posting and packing them. Would you like to see how they turned out?

This spring I messed with underglaze transfers on mugs and I was pretty happy with the result, even if they were fiddly. Anyway, I got the mugs sold and packaged, took them to the P.O. and then went right to Aldi’s for the groceries for camping.

I was keeping a list of things in my mind that I hadn’t written on my list, always a risky thing to do, especially when planning to cook things like Alfredo sauce in the woods. The girls and I gathered everything together for Gregory to load on the fishing boat as soon as he got home from work. I kept thinking of last minute things like shoes, a mattress cover for the air mattress so it isn’t so chilly, towels for the showers. Seriously, camping in a civilized manner means so much to remember! We got everything loaded and strapped down, the huge tote of tents and sleeping bags in the boat, two kayaks on top of that, and our backpacks and food in the Sub.

Setting up camp is always a jolly thing. Gabriel is a master at putting up tents and figuring out where the best places are for each thing. He did notice that I had bought the wrong kind of fuel for our aging camp stove so he and Greg went on a ride to pick up camp wood and the right kind of fuel.

The girls have a small tent they can erect by themselves and so does Gregory. I put the bedding on our mattress and noticed that I forgot our pillows, but oh well, we can always wad up some jackets or something to put under our necks. We circled our camp chairs around the fire and chatted with the cousins. Good times. Deluxe hamburgers and strawberry pie for supper made by my sister-in-law, Ruby. Enormous trees arching overhead, foxes yipping in the woods, cool air swirling. Ahhh.

At some point I French-braided the whole row of girls in what we call a “three-day-hairdo” and they hit the woods swathed in tick and mosquito repellent. The play was dramatic and absorbing. Lady took on the role of sniffer dog. I heard one small girl say to the dog, “Go find them, Killer.” The fiercest thing about Lady was her vicious tail-wagging excitement at being involved in the game, but she obliged them by sniffing everywhere.

We discovered that the camp bathrooms were the grossest we have ever experienced at a campground, and we have seen dozens. A dip in a river or a lake would be preferable for cleanliness, but at least the water was hot and you could wear flip-flops in the shower.

Bedtime was late, and the pillow situation was more problematic in our middle age than it used to be in our youth. We coped, though, and settled onto our mattress. Our new, inflatable mattress, I might add, that fits just right in the tent because Gabe did his homework and got the right size. I shouldn’t have read the reviews, because I was skeptical from the start, but that mattress definitely seemed to be losing air, just like the reviews said. Gabe was sleeping before we hit the ground, and I tried to sleep for a few hours, but gave it up as a lost cause about the time the raccoons found the tin pie plates from the strawberry pie and rattled them around. We had neglected to stow the trash out of reach and they were ready for the party.

Astonishingly, Gabe slumbered on, so I decided to crawl out and find a zero gravity chair for a bed. That woke him, and he did some troubleshooting, discovering that the one inflation valve wasn’t properly shut. After he inflated the mattress again with the last gasps of battery in our air pump, I gave it another try. It was better and I slept a few hours before we hit the ground again. That time I did crawl out and find a chair to tilt back for sleeping.

I drank real coffee that morning after my daughter suggested that I may be a little grouchy. It helped to enliven my weary bones and we had a lovely day. As I was assembling my ingredients for supper, I noticed a conspicuous lack of garlic. If you have ever had Alfredo without garlic, you haven’t had Alfredo. The small town of Tionesta was nearby, so we ladies went questing for garlic and found a cute thrift store with tiny withered ladies presiding over it “for the church”. Most things cost less than a dollar. Books for 10 cents? Is that even a thing anymore? Gabriel texted me to check if they have any pillows there. I didn’t see any.

When we got back, I assembled my ingredients. Gabriel tried to start the stove a-burning, but it would not hold the pressure needed to ignite the burner. After much trying, we gave up and made a plan for cooking over the fire. First the sauce, then the green beans, then we grilled the chicken and lastly made a blazing fire to bring a pot of water to a rolling boil for the pasta. It took forever. By the time the noodles were cooked, the rest of the food had cooled considerably under its foil covers. But it was good anyway.

The girls had seen a recipe for making Mexican s’mores by putting mini marshmallows and chocolate chips on a smear of peanut butter inside a tortilla. You fry them to melt all the gooey things together, and they had their hearts set on that even though I also had the ingredients for doing strawberry cheesecake dessert tortillas. Guess what? I forgot the marshmallows. By this point, I was ready to admit that my head was somewhere else when I was packing. I am quite sure it was busily thinking, because I was with it, after all.

Gregory saved the day by driving to a ubiquitous Dollar General about a mile out of town. Which raises the question: are you even camping if you are that close to a D.G.? And the answer is yes. In our neck of the woods, you practically trip over them all over the countryside and they are very handy too. If only we had told Gregory to get pillows.

We inflated the mattress again with a recharged inflater, very full, and very hard. That night it held. We stayed suspended on a brick, four inches above the ground for the whole night. The raccoons didn’t show up either, so we slept.

It was a good time. Relaxing, visiting, eating, drinking tea, and washing dishes in tepid water with questionable floating things in it. Everything packed down nicely and we came home to run the washer and the shower and to scrub the blackened cooking pots.

I was sinking into our wonderful bed when I got the text from my mom that her brother, Paul Miller, had died suddenly while taking a walk. In an instant, their family is changed forever. The shock and sadness of it kept me awake for quite a while, thinking.

What did it matter about pillows and marshmallows? What does anything matter in the face of loss and death? And how is it so easy to forget that we are all marching along to our graves?

My uncle Paul loved Jesus and he loved people. He had a tender heart toward anybody who was hurting or lonely, spending hours on the phone to stay connected with loved ones. That will be the part of him that will live on: his kindness and love.

I was thinking about this, and about the indisputable fact that we have to keep living in the world, living well, even though it will all pass away in the end. We buy Pampers for the baby shower, make finger jello for the picnic, and pick flowers for the table, all while marching step by step toward the day when we meet God. We do impractical things like setting up housekeeping in the woods and letting our children get gloriously dirty, making memories with their friends, presumably because we love them and we have only a certain number of days with them.

We keep living and we keep loving because that is what we are supposed to do. We are given this one wildly precious life and the people around us to share it. We pour out our love with funny things like marshmallows and story hour and French braids. I do not know how God takes the raw ingredients of what we offer to Him and to our loved ones and makes them a beautiful thing.

That is His work and He is good at it.

Straight on to Summer

We have had a beautiful spring that lasted about 11 days, and now we’re smack dab in summer. There hasn’t been any rain for almost 2 weeks, and with temperatures in the ’80s, we’re doing a lot of watering already. I was told by many people that northwestern PA is extremely wet, especially in spring. I did not expect to need drip hoses in my garden or watering cans on the daily for my potted plants. I am very grateful that we have plenty of water in our well and a creek where we can fill buckets for the baby apple trees we planted this spring.

I determined to finish planting every single thing by June 1st. At 6:00 tonight I was staring down the calla lilies my neighbor brought me, and the pink petunias I bought for the hummingbirds, and three packs of parsley, basil, and celery. I asked Rita, “Why did you let me buy this stuff?” I must stay away from greenhouses now, because I have an incurable urge to reach out and pick up plants when I see something new that I would like to try.

Happily I can say that I pushed through and 2 hours later I was watering and cleaning up. The garden is chock full, and the only seeds I didn’t plant were a few sunflowers that I decided we can live without this year. At this point I think I have planted every bit of space, but it remains to be seen what comes up. I can’t quite get used to waiting until after Memorial Day for a frost free date, but I learned my lesson last week when I got up one morning and saw actual ice crystals in my garden. I had to replant most of my tomatoes and peppers that I hadn’t covered because the forecast was a low of 40.

I repotted my house plants that are root bound and put them on the porches for the summertime. I like how it makes the house feel cleared out and the porches feel cozy.

I feel like I can take some deep breaths, just watch things grow, and pick herbs, and put bouquets in the house. It’s my favorite!

Rita has been mothering a baby robin that fell out of a nest very high in the tree. It had a small wound above its wing, and I was afraid it wouldn’t be able to fly. She has been very dedicated, feeding it worms and ground turkey and bits of bread (when she wants to give it a treat) every half hour for a week. Thankfully it sleeps all night, but it wakes up bright and chipper at 6:00 AM, gaping its little beak and begging for breakfast.

Tomorrow this girl turns 14, and she really wanted a parakeet. It has been over a year since hers died, and the pet shop in town didn’t have any when we checked for a replacement. Today when we stopped in, she found the yellow budgie of her dreams. I made a deal: the robin now lives on a low branch in the tree, not in the birdcage in the house. Everybody’s happy: me, the girl, the parakeet, even the robin.

This past week I saw a blurb someone had written about parenting. “My baby is growing so fast, we ought to get a one month leave from work every 6 months just so we can figure out how to parent for the next half year.” I understand what he was saying, but we don’t get to do that. I hate to break it to you, man, but you’re going to have to figure this out on the fly and that’s not all bad. I think about the bright little Amish children I see helping with their parents’ cottage industries, whole lines of them stair stepping. I can see how important they feel because they are helping the family and they know how to do things. It is a different sort of importance from what a child feels when his parents arrange their entire lives around his wishes and hopes. Pardon me, but I know which kind of child I prefer to spend time with.

I am at that stage of parenting where I am praying for grace to cover what I missed when my children were little, even as I continue to rely on grace for wisdom as they grow more independent. It’s all flying by and some day soon I’ll say, “It feels like it was about 11 days and then we hit another season.”

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I want to remember this season, of dependent yet independent children.

I want to remember how the girls sleep in their camper playhouse, or in the sun porch, or in tents, just anywhere is preferable to their bed in this freedom that is warm nights and no school schedule.

I want to remember them sitting at the table having a tea party with friends all proper, then running outside to the woods and cooking crayfish and snake steak over their fire for a snack.

I want to remember how it felt to have a yard sale and there were three cashiers that were not me, and yet they were still cute enough to sell iced tea and brownies.

I want to remember the lists I make for all this energy to be put to good purposes, and then the library runs, the reading breaks, and the easy, restful days because we have been diligent and the laundry is done and the dishes are washed and the floors are clean.

I want to remember and watch and be like Mary and keep things in my heart, and hope all things for them as they grow.

It feels a lot like gardening, and Jesus, please send rain.