Here We Are

I just spent an hour looking at Sherwin Williams paint colors, then checking out rooms on Pinterest, then waffling with other paint colors. I guess I will take a break. This is not my happy space, even though I generally make speedy decisions and live with them just fine. We decided to use neutrals on the walls of our house remodel, but I do not want the beige I have had in this house for many years. Neither do I want the same grey tones that I used here about 6 years ago. But. Neither do I want to do what everybody else is doing. (Have you heard of greige? It’s such a sensible solution.) So. There we are and here we are.

I am currently at our home with the children. Gabe is working up at our house. At some point this house/home will switch; meanwhile it is a little weird. I clean out the fridge so nothing spoils, go work at the house a few days, haul home the towels and dirty laundry, mow lawn, take the children to appointments, sort through belongings, pack up the clean work clothes, go north to work at the house, etc. And then Alex who stays home most of the week for his job texts me, “There is nothing to eat in the fridge,” and I text him to go get milk and eggs and bread. For some reason there is no half and half in either fridge and I feel the sadness of this for a tiny minute before I laugh at my silly first world problems.

We have probably chosen the worst way to move. Having weighed our options, this did seem better than living in a house while trying to update it. So. There we are and here we are.

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My dad is at a rehab facility, working hard with respiratory and physical therapists to regain his mobility. He had a trach put in at the hospital so that he could get out of ICU and off the ventilator. It took him a week at rehab just to wake up, and then he wasn’t able to talk or move much for another week. He had another trip to the hospital because he was bleeding from his trach and running a fever. They let him try to eat a few pureed meals, but his epiglottis is not closing properly when he swallows, due to the tubes having been down there so long, holding it open for the vent. That would almost certainly result in pneumonia, so we have to be patient about the food issue.

Once he had two negative covid19 tests we could start visiting him, one person per day.  It had been 24 days with no visits. Last Monday when I was there, he was frustrated that he couldn’t even pick up his phone or move his head without using his hands to turn it from side to side. He was feeling discouraged at how long the recovery was taking, but the next morning he managed to text Mom. Every day he is determined to walk a little further, stand a few seconds longer, relearn more skills he lost during the weeks in bed. His trach was removed last week, and he is doing fine without oxygen. Now the battle is to regain muscle and get the swallowing thing going so he can eat properly. He has only one tube, the NG tube in his nose for feeding. In two days he is scheduled for a barium swallow test; you can join us in praying that he passes it!

Dad talks a lot about the visions he had while he was so sick. He saw Jesus smiling at him many times, and he has a new clarity about what really matters in life. He says repeatedly, “Don’t wait until you are sick to get right with God!” There is some confusion and memory loss, but that is improving as well. We have about 45 minutes to drive to rehab, although once he can eat, he will be moved to a rehab closer home.

It has been 7 weeks since he started coughing. There are many more weeks to go before he is strong and independent. But he is alive and we are grateful for the mercies of God!

This ordeal might be why the paint colors and the half and half seem kind of trivial. I often think of Paul Tripp’s phrase, “the big-sky purposes of God” versus my “claustrophobic kingdom of one.” Why, why is it so effortless to slide into worry and trouble? I recently listened to a podcast by Nancy Wilson titled “Fear and Anxiety,” and I suggest you just go listen to it now and let truth soak into your soul.

Blessings on your day!

P.S. I did this to the fireplace with stucco. By faith I can visualize sitting in front of it with a cup of tea. (The top row of bricks will be replaced with a wooden slab.)

Also by faith I will sit here with a cup of tea one day. (I begin to suspect that deep inside I am a lazy person who prefers just to sit with a cup of tea. 😀 )